-Breastfeeding is Life-

This monologue was first performed onstage by Jeannette Bezinque in Wilmington, Delaware’s production of Listen to Your Mother.

I need to get something off my chest. Well, not exactly. I need to talk about two very important features on my chest. My Boobs. These little siphons of liquid gold are causing quite a storm these days. Not just mine, but EVERYONE’s boobs. It’s taken me a long time to realize that boobs aren’t just for magazine covers.

I hate the slogan, “Breast is Best.” Don’t get me wrong, I love breastfeeding, but that phrase just doesn’t work for me. I don’t recall thinking that it was the best as an infant. It didn’t feel like it was the best when I was strapped to a pump suctioning every last drop for my newborn. It certainly wasn’t the best when I nursed through the pain of mastitis. Which, if you’ve never experience this, feels like someone is pulling a piece of barbed wire from your back all the way through your nipple. And now, even though breastfeeding really feels like it’s the best for my second baby and the best for me, I’m plagued with the guilt that it’s not the best for everyone. Breast isn’t best. Breast is life.

Putting a boob into a baby’s mouth is a pretty weird concept to grasp if you’re not comfortable with the topic. It’s one of those things that feels natural, but doesn’t really seem natural since it’s usually done in secret. I myself do not alert the general public when I am breastfeeding my baby. I like to breastfeed in ways that don’t draw attention to the act. Which is becoming increasingly difficult as my baby gets bigger, louder, and more capable of pulling my nipple with her as she attempts to swan dive out of my arms.

My early breastfeeding experiences were a ridiculous display of how to fumble with nipples. First of all, I didn’t have to take it so seriously. Each time, exactly three hours after the previous meal started, I sat down to nurse my baby in our special chair, with my special snack, and my special reusable water bottle. Now, I hardly even sit down to nurse my baby. If I do, I get to have a toddler crawl all over us.

I don’t even want to tell you how many hours I spent deciding how to feed my first newborn in public. I debated wearing a blanket or pumping and giving her a bottle. I packed a cooler and all the handy breastfeeding supplies from the formula company into the diaper bag. I’m pretty sure that the kit of bottles made me forget that I had boobs. It’s hard being a mom at first! There I was, stressing and fumbling while my husband and I passed her back and forth over my boobs. I completely forgot how handy they were! The worst part is that I didn’t even realize how silly I was.

This is how I feed my second baby. Uncover nipple, put baby near boob. It’s much easier this way and it allows me to feed her anywhere and everywhere. I’m a stealth nurser. You could say that I nurse incognito. The thing that kills me is that people never know. A lot of times I’ll wear my daughter in her carrier and shimmy her down to let her latch. People will come over to me and peak in. They have no idea what they are in for when that happens. My poor Grandfather is probably still trying to recover. For as long as I nurse my baby, it seems like people will get an eyeful or an earful on the topic. Particularly my husband.

What is it about men that makes them want to grab engorged boobs? I get it, they’re bigger, but they’re also about to leak. That can’t be a turn on for anyone involved. I finally understand how teenage boys feel, except that every time my husband walks by in a tight black tshirt, I get TWO erections. Everything about breastfeeding is a combination of good with bad. Everything about breastfeeding is just like life.

Take, for instance, the extreme joy of sleeping for more than 4 hours in a row for the first time. We all long for this for months and then, when it finally happens, we wake up to a baseball sized hard-on in our boob that screams when we touch it. Oh, but don’t our husbands just love that? I have the perfect counter-defensive tactic. Simply squeeze from the outside in to deliver a stream of milk to the eye. My Super Soakers are unmatched on the marital battleground.

Everyone knows that breastfeeding Moms need support. Marketers took this statement literally and bombarded us with advertisements for nursing tanks and nursing bras. I hate nursing bras. I don’t understand the appeal of a ‘free bra fitting’ either. They ogle and measure and get all in my goodies only to tell me that I’m a size that isn’t available in the store. The worst part is that I didn’t even want one of those ugly tan bras to begin with. If you’ve ever heard that you can’t get pregnant while nursing, it’s only half true. The truth is, nursing bras are an unmatched form of birth control.

But let’s talk about real support for breastfeeding. My friends started this Facebook group where we can talk about breastfeeding and share tips and support. One of them had the idea to take a photo of a ‘boy and his boob.’ It caught on pretty quickly. I still can’t figure out why they got all weirded out when I sent over a picture of my husband latched on. After all, Breast is Life.

Whether or not we deal with breastfeeding, we Moms all deal with Breast Milk. It swells our breasts and fights to make the course into our infants. It is as persistent as a lactating woman on a quest for an oreo. As true as the journey into Motherhood can be filled with complications, so can breastfeeding. That’s why I’m inviting all mothers to be allies in feeding our babies. For some, breastfeeding is easy. For others, it’s the greatest challenge of Motherhood. Sometimes it is cut short, and sometimes it dwindles through the years. Breastfeeding is vibrant, humorous, sad, terrifying, challenging, healthy, happy, and everything in between.

We can all agree that Breast is Life.

Photo credit: Donna Harlev

I’m excited to introduce you to a new feature on this blog called Disqus (sounds like: discuss). Hanging out down below the bottom of each post is a comment box that allows us to have a conversation. I set it up this way because it’s easy to log in with our Facebook pages to make comments. This is one of my favorite ways to comment on other blogs, too.

If you are coming to this post directly, it only takes one step to comment. Just click the little box that says “Leave a Message”. I love to hear your feedback on my posts and to have the opportunity to reply back to you because things get a little one-sided on my end. How many times can I tell you how amazing it is that Hannah or Audrey melted my heart? (Ok, I can probably talk about that a million more times.) But, I would LOVE to hear about your experiences, too. I credit the internet with about 87% of my Motherhood inspiration. It would be even better if that happened right here on my very own blog.

When you see posts on my homepage, you’ll need to click the title or the ‘replies’ link to get to the page that allows you to comment. See?

While you’re at it, don’t be afraid to ‘Like’, tweet, or pin any of my posts. These are here for you and if you enjoy them, your friends just might, too.

Of course I would like to send each and every commenter a homemade jar of hummus, but I can’t commit to that until I start seeing some more comments. These are important for three reasons. First of all, they tell me what to write! If you like my stuff and I see that, I will write more about that topic. Secondly, they help me grow this blog into a business. As it grows and more people come to the site, I’ll have better opportunities to share about Green Living with a larger audience. That starts here with your help! If you are a blogger, I highly recommend commenting whenever you drop by. Many bloggers (like me) return the favor especially if we recognize you! Finally, your comments let me know that I’m not just rambling to an empty blog-o-sphere. Sure, I can check the stats and see the numbers climbing each day, but I’d rather see your smiling face with a reminder that you’ve dropped by. Let’s have a conversation!

Tell me, what brings you to my blog?

Using cloth diapers in the water is an easy and effective way to, you know, keep poo out of the pool. Let’s face it, the main job of a diaper in the pool is containment. When it comes down to the task, I personally consider a cloth diaper to be an easier option than a little swimmer for several reasons.

First of all, the little swimmers have that enormous, droopy, bulge that can’t be comfortable for anyone involved. On top of that, when you pull off the diaper the mess smears all the way down the leg. As with any other disposable diaper, you’re stuck with trash. Potentially lots of trash, because who wants to put a sopping wet diaper back onto a baby even if it hasn’t technically been ‘used’?

Although a thin, cloth swim diaper may not look like much, in reality it is just as sanitary as a disposable diaper. If we really want to have a pool with no pee in it, we have to let babies pee outside of the pool. This is also easy to do with a cloth swim diaper because you can quickly remove the diaper. Since Audrey pees about 5 minutes after she eats, I try to let her go before bringing her in the water. Some parents observe this and help even the smallest babies use the potty regularly through a practice called Elimination Communication. In short, EC is as simple as knowing when baby goes and holding them over a toilet. However, there are many detailed instructions online and books to aid in the process. But I digress. Back to the magic of cloth in the water.

Cloth Swim Diapers

To select a swim diaper, consider how much you would have spent on enough disposable diapers (plus trash bags, plus trips to the grocery store) and allow that to be your budget for your cloth diaper. They typically cost $10-18 and can be found on Etsy or Kelly’s Closet.

Cloth Swim Diapers on Etsy

Cloth Swim Diapers on Kelly’s Closet

While shopping, consider adding a wet bag to your shopping cart. These bags are terrific for transporting wet swimsuits as well. Wet bags serve many purposes. They are nearly as versatile as a ziplock bag. Unfortunately, they are not quite as water-proof, but the air and water resistance is good enough to merit a space in my beach bag. At least they are a no-waste option!

To wash the diaper, either use a mild detergent and gentle cycle followed by an air dry. These are also easy and small enough to wash by hand in the sink. That is a convenient option for vacation! In the event of a big mess, use the ‘dunk and swoosh’ method to clean off in the toilet.

Dunk and Swoosh

Step 1. Hold your breath.

Step 2. Invert the diaper and grasp the two outside edges so that the messy part goes directly into the toilet bowl water.

Step 3. Close eyes and cringe.

Step 4. Flush the toilet.

Now that you know how easy it is to use cloth diapers at the pool, beach or waterpark I hope this simplifies your upcoming vacations! Who knows? Maybe you will find that incorporating cloth into your daily routine may add simplicity as well. After all, cloth diapering is a green gateway drug.